The challenge of making oneself irresistible reminds me of a sage I know who taught her students the art of irresistibility using unorthodox methodologies. She understood that from time to time that her students had lost the plot. So one bright morning when her disciples were all bright and bushy tailed, she took down a manilla box, which sat on a bookcase.
Students being students wondered what in the name of Rumpelstiltskin was going on. From out of the box she pulled a bright and dazzling stone the size of a goose egg. Eyeing the crowd she chose one among the lot to come forth and spoke.
“Go to the marketplace just across the street. Query all the dealers on how much they will be willing to pay for this rock if we decide to sell. Write down every offer. On no account should you sell the stone. When you are finished with your investigation, return and we will evaluate the data you have culled together.”
The student humbly nodded, took his field notes and a pen, heading to the door.
“Remember, on no account are you to part with that stone“, called out the teacher.
Now this student was a smart and studious hombre. He carefully shoveled his merchandise into his pocket. He was delighted to be entrusted with such an important mission. Only he couldn’t figure out what the point of the exercise really was.
His first port of call on a rather long list was a potato dealer, who sat just at the entrance to the vegetable market. The dealer took one glance at the item and said, “I’ll give you two kilos of rattes.”
Now as everyone knows, the ratte is a potato and a member of the solanum tuberosum family and widely cultivated for its edible tubers. This starchy oval tuber has a brown, red, or purple skin. It is cooked and eaten in multiple ways. Some folks love’em best thinly sliced and fried crispy to accompany a scotch ‘n soda.
As I was saying, the boy dutifully scribbled down the merchant’s generous offer in his notebook. Next on his list was a sheep herder known for the quality of his merino wool. As he approached, the wizened merchant scratched his chin quizzically, and retorted, “I can let you have a flock of 20 sheep tomorrow morning when I bring them down from the hills.” Once again the boy jotted down the relevant information.
This continued for a couple of hours. He must have visited just about everybody. There was only one more visit to be paid. It was considered the finest jewelry shop in town and run by an Italian gentleman from Naples. Once he was buzzed into the premises and stated his business, he was offered an espresso. A specialist came over. He greeted the boy, and they sat down together.
“Now show me my lad, the item in question.” So the student complied. The jeweler took his time, measuring the carats, the size, texture and clarity of the stone before responding. “I’ve never seen a diamond like this in all my life. It is gold like the sun and absolutely flawless. I can offer the owner $5m and arrange the necessities of the transaction.”
The boy nodded his head. Upon returning to the teacher at the appointed hour, he noticed that it was snack time. Everyone was seated in a circle. The student approached the sage, gave back the stone, and surrendered his notebook. The teacher went through the data, smiled and shared his analytical findings with the class.
“So what can you conclude?“, asked the soft but irresistible voice.
One wise guy in the crowd, puffed up his chest and said, “That everything in the market can be bought or sold.” There was disagreement in the ranks, but at the end of a healthy discussion, the students felt stymied, and so the teacher broke in.
“Understanding this diamond is not about price. It concerns the principle of self-worth and stands as a symbol of the human heart. You can sell your skills and abilities for a farthing or you can rangle millions like a CEO. However, self-worth does not carry a price tag because you are priceless. Valuing your true nature is never a question of social connections, physical beauty, or job titles. Why seek to validate your authenticity, when you are already the diamonds that you seek.”
The Take Away
Do not confuse net worth with self-worth. At some time in our life, we have fallen victim to this one. The temptation to buy clothes, jewelry, and cosmetics become overwhelming. Why? Because we all seek to appear irresistible like celebrities. Why are we so enamored? Because we have conned ourselves into thinking our lives are ordinary and unexciting. We support this false assumption with a little shopping therapy hoping to buy our stairway to heaven. Clearly, this is not the best way forward.
Your sense of self-worth comes from within
Being irresistible means embodying the traits, which radiate positive energy. Start by respecting yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, you clearly won’t respect anyone else. John Lennon once quipped, “Love is the answer, but you know that for sure.”
Identify what makes you tick
Motivation is key because not all people are motivated the same way. Some are motivated by power, others by money. Make altruism your key motivator. From this position, you can steer your path on a road to equilibrium. The Buddha was no dummy when he shared the wealth of understanding he gained under a fig tree.
If it’s rock star status that motivates you, fine. Just recognize what Voltaire once warbled to one swell at a cocktail-networking session: “The cemetery is full of Very Important People.” Adjusting your behavior to accommodate people according to your environment is one thing. Denying your authenticity is another.
A better path to networking
Connect with the people with whom you are speaking at a gut level. I don’t suggest quizzing them on Jean-Paul Sartre’s book, Being & Nothingness. Connect with them where it counts. Bill Clinton understands this better than most people. The power of empathy is contagious. Forget trying to be liked. This is not a formula. It’s about radiating the nature of goodness in all things. When you do so, people will look to share your company.
To make this work
Try putting down your iPhone. Focus on the people you’re with. Show interest. Give them the space to speak. When you are comfortable with your Self, you will no longer feel the need to constantly sing your own music. By drawing people out, you put them in their comfort zone and you will have a meaningful engagement. Best of all, you will become irresistible because you will no longer need to try to be irresistible.
Join The Conversation. Let us know what makes you irresistible.
Article Title: 5 Ways To Make Yourself Irresistible
Photographs: curated by ES
About The Author
Andrew Scharf shares enchanting stuff on the topics of marketing, innovation, talent development, coaching, enchantment, and craftsmanship. He is also the head Koi at CAREO, a career management consultancy under the WCW Group brand.
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